Falling Down Stairs, Kids and Panties

Today my daughter asked me what was better, being a kid or being an adult.

She thought being an adult was better because I get to drive, I get to buy what ever I want (yeah, right!)I get to vote and I get to stay up late.

I on the other hand would love to be a kid again for just one day.

She gave me a confused look and asked why.

I asked her..."Let's stay you are at school and you fall down the stairs...tell me exactly what would happen next?"

She thought about it and we came up with a list.

First, everyone would ask her if she was ok. Other kids or a teacher would help her up. She would go to the nurse. If she started to cry, someone would comfort her and maybe give her a little hug. The nurse might let her hang out for a little while in her office and giver her some juice. And for the rest of the day, everyone would be sooo concerned asking if she was ok.

Earlier this summer I fell down the stairs at work.

A coworker of mine came running to me with a stack of digital tapes that needed to be dubbed onto d-beta and if I could please run them over to the tape floor..hurry...super urgent...the editor's are waiting.

So off I ran with a bunch of tapes and work orders.

I wanted to be green so I took the stairs. While running down the stairs I lost my footing and down I went..boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

Tapes everywhere! Work orders fluttering down the stair case.

I am laying on the landing with the word splat hanging over me and little birds and stars circling my head. And on top of that I was wearing a dress...lying there...legs akimbo with my lady-town making its big debut. Well, at least I was wearing cute panties.

And if you, by any chance, are wondering how bad the fall was, the picture I chose to post along with today's blog is a pretty accurate representation...only in a dress!

Luckily...no one was there to see the fall. While at the same time, no one was there. So if I had gotten really hurt, who knows how long I would have laid there until someone found me.

Well, I wasn't badly hurt; mostly bumps, bruises and scrapes. But I had to get up and keep right on going. I needed to get my tapes where they had to go. So I collected myself, collected my things. Yes, I was crying like a little girl, but I staggered to the tape floor and got the job done.

And for the rest of the day..."Dude! I heard you fell! HA! No, serious, you ok? But that's still pretty funny!"

There was no nurse. No juice.  Not even a friggin' pat on the head!!

That's why being a kid is better if its only for the juice!

Me and my Homies

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I'm Normal!!

I've never been normal before!  But I have proof in black and white from my doctor...I'm normal!!

As some of you know, about a year and a half ago, I underwent weight loss surgery.  At my heaviest, I weighed 220 lbs.  I guess that would not be so bad if I was a man who was over 6 ft. tall.  However, I'm a woman and I'm only 5 ft. tall. 

I remember always feeling tired.  I remember my back aching all the time and my knees and feet in constant pain...or at least when I was standing.  Climbing stairs was such a chore and I would get winded with the slightest activity.

My blood pressure was through the roof and my blood sugar was elevated.  I also had high cholesterol.  And I was smoking.

In short, I was a ticking time bomb.

A few years ago, I lost my father to complications from Diabetes. 

Most people have this misconception that if just avoid sugar, you'll be fine.  However, these people didn't watch my father die.  They didn't see him barely survive major strokes.  They did not see him develop gangrenous infections that ultimately lead to the amputation of both his legs.  They did not see him go through dialysis.  All of these caused by Diabetes.

Once my daughter, after catching me smoking after I promised her that I would quit, asked me, "Mommy, if you die, who's going to take care of me?"  I felt like such an asshole.  She was only 5 and that should have been the furthest thing from her mind.

Not much later a nurse at a wellness fair at work put the fear of God into me.  My blood pressure was in stroke territory. After seeing my father survive strokes and having my daughter confront me about my smoking, I knew I was looking mortality in the face. 

I needed to decide...was I going to live or was I going to die?

I chose to live.  If I died, who was going to take care of my daughter?  My ex?  Please.  He can't take care of a pet rock let alone a child.  And what if I did have a stroke?  Or complications from Diabetes like my dad?  I didn't want my daughter to take care of me like I did for my dad.  Although I stepped up to the plate and took care of him when I could, because it was my duty as his daughter, it was hard.  It was hard to do and hard to watch.  And its painful to remember.  I don't want that for my daughter.  I want her to live her life.

So I chose to live, to do that I needed to lose weight.  A LOT OF WEIGHT.

I chose the lap band.

Today I received proof that I made the right decision.  I received a follow-up of my lab studies:

• My total cholesterol is 149.  Less than 200 is optimal.
• My HDL (good cholesterol) was 38.  Optimal is 40 or greater, so maybe I'll eat more fish or take an Omega 3 supplement.
• My triglycerides are 124.  Optimal is 150 or lower.
• My total cholesterol/HDL ratio is 3.9:1.  A ratio of 4.5:1 or less means I am at LOW risk of coronary artery disease.
• Blood Count - Normal
• Kidney function - Normal
• Thyroid - Normal
• Liver function - Normal

And finally my A1C test (diabetes test) shows no evidence of diabetes!  In fact my blood sugar, which has always been high since I was a child, is now normal.  In fact, my doctor wrote in a hand written addendum to his follow up letter, "REALLY NORMAL!"

I've never been normal before.  Today, I'm normal!

Now granted, the fact that I can see my toes and my pant size is a lot smaller than what I used to wear, is nice.  I love it in fact.  Not to say I am all done losing weight.  I actually still have a ways to go.  But I'm normal.

When I get a chance, I go hiking with my daughter.  Couldn't do that 2 years ago.  I can race my daughter across the park...and win!  I couldn't do that 2 years ago.  I can look forward to my future now...couldn't do that 2 years ago.

And I am finally NORMAL!

Its a brand new day!

I GOT ARRESTED!!!

I'm sitting in the back of a police car, my hands cuffed ... I can't believe I spent the night in a jail cell!!
  
   Tell me in a comment below what you think I did to get arrested ...

I blog-jacked this from Rho's blog! So when you're done working out which crime I committed, post this on your blog and see how many crimes YOU get accused of ;)

The Post Election Pledge of Unity

The election is over,

The results are known.

The will of the people

Has clearly been shown.

Let's forget the quarrels

And show by our deeds.

We will give our leader

All the help that he needs.

So let's all get together

And let bitterness pass,

I'll hug your elephant

And you kiss my ass.

Can men and women be friends?

Today is my day off! Not only am I enjoying my Saturday out of the office but the offspring is off with her dad so I have the house and the TV all to myself!

I am happily watching "When Harry Met Sally" and blogging, completely uninturrepted...although it has just occured to me..."How am I supposed to find "The One" sitting watching TV and working on the computer?" But I digress....

Billy Crystal has just informed Meg Ryan that men and women cannot be friends because the sex always gets in the way. And in fact, a man couldn't even be friends with a woman he finds unattractive because "you pretty much want to nail them too."

Although I have seen this movie dozens of times, this question just made me stop and think...is it true?

I have friends who are guys...but not close close friends. Although...I did have a male friend once who was one of my best friends...but he was as gay as the day is long, so I don't think he counts.

The male "friends" I have now are work buddies or acquaintances. We'll have luch as part of a group but not hang out one one one.

What do you think? Can men and women really be friends?

Today I am Awed, Humbled and Hopeful!

What a wild ride it has been!

Yesterday morning I took my daughter by the hand and lead her to the polls.  I explained to her that she was watching history being made.  Right now, she just saw volunteers selling muffins and senior citizens handing out ballots.  But one day she would understand that what she was seeing was all of us coming together and changing the world.

I explained to her that by electing Barack Obama we would set the stage for a new world! 

I was met with a blank stare and a question, "Can I get a piece of candy?"

My passionate dissertation was beaten to dust by a senior citizen offering my daughter a Rollo!

Oh well.

On my way to work I saw a car in front of me.  It was FESTOONED with McCain/Palin stickers.  Now here's the thing.  My car is FESTOONED with Obama/Biden stickers!  For every sticker he had supporting McCain, I matched him with one for Obama.  He pulled into the next lane...fell behind for a while...and ended up next to me at the red light.  He was even wearing a camoflaged McCain hat!  And I was wearing Obama/Biden earrings!  We were even accesorized.  And I couldn't help notice that as a woman of color...he was a white man...HE WAS THE ANTI-ME!!

He rolled down his window and said "Excuse me..."

I thought this could go be really funny or end really badly...on the news...with me calling friends for bail money.

I braced myself and waited for his barrage of expletives claiming Barack Obama to be a socialist, terrorist, Arab Muslim....or other such nonsense that has been spread around over the last 21 months!  I took a deep breath and waited... "Yes?"

"Good luck today!"

"You too!"

Wow...I though it would be a good day.

Later that evening I took my mother to cast her vote.  I tried to explain the significance of the moment to my daughter once again.  This time I lost to a fun sized Hershey bar!

I spent the night at a friends house.  We all piled into her living room wearing pajamas, watching election coverage and eating the most wonderful Pakistani food!  We were nervous, but hopeful!

We watched the polls close....electoral votes were counted...we prayed...we held hands....and finally...we received word that Barack Obama was elected as the next President of the United Sates.

We screamed, we hugged, we cried, we texted!

We were there when the world changed!  We watched with awe as this nation evolved into a new reality!  I was humbled that whatever higher power there is chose my life time for this to happen.  I am humbled that I was lucky enough to witness this.

And although on this day I kept losing to candy....I know that in the future, my daughter will look back on this day and know she was a part of it.  She watched her mother, a single mother and a woman of color, cast her vote.  She watched her grandmother, a senior citizen and a naturalized citizen cast her vote.  She watched us, along with countless others, change the world.

And although we have a long road a head of us....I HAVE HOPE!!

We can....We did...and We will!

We Are The Ones Song by will.i.am - Obama

We can change the world

obama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghSJsEVf0pU&feature=related

Dear Red States......

I WISH I HAD WRITTEN THIS!!!!  BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE IT WITH ALL OF YOU!

PEACE OUT AND REMEMBER TO ROCK DA' VOTE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Red States:
 
 If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving. We
 intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States
 with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California , Hawaii,
 Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the
 Northeast.
 
 We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
 to the people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly:
 You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell
 research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get
 Dollywood.
 
 We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get
 Ole' Miss.
 
 We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get
 Alabama.
 
 We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay
 their fair share.
 
 Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian
 Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
 moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
 anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
 once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids
 they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and
 they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets
 coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMD's
 turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's
 Quagmire.
 
 With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the
 country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92%
 of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all
 cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans
 (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,
 sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus
 Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
 
 With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88%
 of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of
 all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the
 hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all
 televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the
 University of Georgia.
 
 We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38% of those in
 the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62%
 believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death
 penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53%
 believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards
 believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
 
 Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
 they grow in Mexico.
 
 Peace out,  Blue States

My Daughter is Funny!!

Hello All!  I know I've been ultra quiet as of late, but with all the political hoopla and economic unrest, I had to take cover and decompress!  My God!  It was getting to be so bad that it was making my head spin!

Anyway, getting back to the subject at hand, my daughter says the funniest thing.

Today she asked me, "Mommy why does everyone say that John McCain is going to die on his desk?" 

Die on his desk?  Why would he die on his desk?

And she says "Everybody keeps saying that if he's president, he will probably die on his desk."

"Noooo Treenie, they meant die in office!" 

Although Grandpa McCain is so old he probably would have a heart attack while signing legislation taking away our right to think and actually die in the oval office slumped over his desk.

I think that was one of the funniest things she's said in a while!

Peace y'all!