Many years ago, I was cradling my little pink baby. As I studied and took in her absolute perfection, I thought to myself, "Wow...I'm going to screw her up."
I came to that conclusion after contemplating my need to be the best mommy I could be. And how my mom tried to be the best mom she could be. And no matter how hard I try or what I do, she will eventually end up on a therapists couch, blaming me for something.
My mom was always smothering me...or My mom didn't care about me....or My mom tried to be my best friend when what I needed was a mother...or My mom was to neat...or messy...or strict...or lax. No matter what I do...she's screwed.
So I figured I should have fun with it. And then my pink baby spit up on me.
GAME ON!
Just like last summer, my daughter is spending her days at summer camp. Every morning we go to the day camp location and I walk her to a big tent...it kind of looks like a banquet tent and I sign her in. And then I walk her down a gravel path to a smaller tent. This second tent serves as a home room.
So I sign her in like I do every day. And we start to walk towards the gravel path and she stops. She turns to me and says, "Mommy, you don't have to walk me, I can go by myself."
I swear that I could hear my heart crack and split in two. My God, I knew this day would come...she is starting to pull away from me.
"Are you sure, Mommy can walk you the rest of the way...it's ok."
"No..I can go by myself."
I tried so hard to hide the heartbreak and desperation in my voice, "Are you sure?"
"Yep, I'm good."
She's good?!? What the hell is that?!
I lean down to give her a hug and kiss like a do every morning...and she pulls away!!
"MOM!" she says under her voice like I just did something gross like pick my butt in front of her friends.
And off she went.
And then I heard the voice in my head..."What the hell!! She can't even give you a hug and kiss?! Get a hold of this situation NOW!! YOU CONTROL THE CHOCOLATE MILK IN THIS RELATIONSHIP!! Get a hold of this situation and handle it!!"
I didn't know what to do, she was walking away!
She was about 30...40 feet away and I took a deep breath and yelled out:
"TREENIE PANINI!!"
She stopped dead in her tracks...dropped and shook her head.
"HAVE A GOOD DAY SWEET HEART!!"
"MOMMY LOVES YOU!!"
"MAKE SMART CHOICES!!!"
She turned to me and mouthed very clearly "I hate you!" to which I replied:
"I LOVE YOU TOO!!"
I think I made my point.
Later that evening we had a chat about mommy's little display of affection.
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?"
"I DID THAT BECAUSE YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT I CONTROL THE CHOCOLATE MILK!!!"
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!"
"IT MEANS I AM THE MOMMY AND YOU ARE THE CHILD AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY!!"
After some more discussion, I made an offer to end the little stalemate we found ourselves in. Every morning I get my hug and kiss and she can then walk to her tent alone. At first she didn't think it was a good deal. But then I said I could always show up at camp and show her friends her naked baby pictures. She soon saw my point of view and we settled on my offer.
So every morning I get my hug and kiss...she walks the path alone...and I control the chocolate milk.
