Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Why did that chicken cross the road?


Why Did the Chicken Cross

the Road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
 
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
 
HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
 
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either with us or against us! There is no middle ground here.
 
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
 
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
 
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
 
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
 
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
 
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
 
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
 
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
 
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
 
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
 
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain, alone. 
  
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
 
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
 
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
 
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
 
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road,
or did the road move beneath the chicken?


COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

100 Things About Me....

  1. I hate my middle name; it’s Margarita…. insert Jimmy Buffet jokes here.
  2. I attended Catholic School and I bolted for the door on the Catholic faith the second I saw my chance.
  3. My favorite color is red.
  4. I am exactly five feet tall.
  5. I love karaoke
  6. I am afraid of rats and mice.
  7. I never thought I was a dog person until I adopted Baxter.
  8. I love singing!  If I don’t sing along with my car radio, that is a sign that I am having a very bad day and something is really wrong.
  9. At summer camp, I am the only parent who goes hunting for frogs with the kids!
  10. I had an emergency c-section when I gave birth to my daughter.
  11. I have had a breast reduction.
  12. I am divorced.
  13. I am my father’s youngest child.
  14. I am my mother’s only child.
  15. I had a cat when I was in high school that I loved very much and he died tragically, sometimes I still cry.
  16. I love bubble gum!
  17. I can have been known to hold a grudge, but I’m getting better.
  18. I am a Red Cross certified swimmer.
  19. I am utterly amazed and entranced by Martha Stewart
  20. I have three tattoos.
  21. I used to have my nose pierced and I am considering getting it re-pierced.
  22. When I get nervous, I pee… a lot!
  23. I love sock puppets
  24. I hate mayonnaise; I think it’s disgusting and should be outlawed.
  25. I love nectarines in the summertime.
  26. I try to go to Haymarket as often as I can, not for the bargains (although those are great) but because it reminds me of my dad.
  27. I have tried meditating on several occasions, I keep falling asleep.
  28. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be Wonder Woman when I grew up.
  29.  My first major in college was Psychology/PreMed….my parents had their hearts set on me becoming a doctor…damned those high science scores.
  30. I love comedy, one day I hope to take a class in stand up comedy.
  31. When I got pregnant with my daughter, my feet grew.  All my shoes ended up being to small for me.
  32. I lost 60 lbs over the last year.  When I lost the majority of my wieght, my feet shrank.  All my shoes ended up being too big for me.
  33. I really hate finding crumbs in my butter, that really bother me.
  34. I am equally bothered by finding trails of jelly in the peanut butter
  35. When reading a personals ad on something like Match.com or Yahoo Personals, I am really turned off by typos!
  36. I love butterflies!
  37. During the senior year overnight retreat in high school, I snuck in Kahlua in a hairspray bottle...everyone had some and no one snitched!
  38. I spent one month at Mass General Hospital on bedrest before giving birth to my daughter, it was like being in prison!
  39. My zodiac sign is Cancer and I am in fact a typical cancer!
  40. I am hyper-sensitive to mosquito bites!
  41. I am absolutely filled with useless knowledge!
  42. I get giggle fits at absolutely the most inappropriate times, like my father's wake.
  43. I have been told that I am an excellent kisser.  I am not one to argue!
  44. I snore.
  45. It is impossible for me to sit in front of a piece of bubble wrap and not pop it.
  46. I love to dance.
  47. I am addicted to Facebook
  48. I am a huge Indiana Jones fan, although I thought the last movie sucked.
  49. I love shoes!  In particular...sassy heels!
  50. Everymonth I get a copy of Glamour magazine and the first thing I read are the "Don'ts" on the back page!
  51. I LOVE the smell of rubbing alcohol...is that wierd?
  52. I love Shark Week on the Discovery Channel!
  53. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to watch a movie without looking at it critically through the eyes of a media professional.  Hence, Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls sucked to me.
  54. I throw like a girl.
  55. In the 80's my favorite outfit consisted of a white shirt with red lightning bolts, red leggings, red and white checkerboard patterned slouchy socks, white high top reeboks and a red scrunchy in my very big, permed hair!
  56. I am trying to crawl my way through a nursing program to get my RN license.
  57. I love a good hug!  When I give a hug, I mean it!
  58. I get a kick out of accents and I always find myself trying to learn them.
  59. I think glasses are sexy! That's why I refuse to get contacts, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
  60. I am bummed that movies are on DVDs.  I have to replace my entire movie collection, which is on VHS...ugh.
  61. Rum Rasin is my favorite flavor ice cream.
  62. I love to cook.
  63. I hate to clean up!
  64. I cannot decorate to save my life, but I can put up a shelf and put furniture together like nobody's business.
  65. I sincerely believe that I am a legal adult but in no way should I be considered a grown up!
  66. I believe in Karma.
  67. Everyday I try to do one good deed.
  68. Bizzare Foods on the Travel Channel is one of my favorite shows.  I always wonder what Adam Zimmerman will eat next!
  69. I know why so many women enjoy horseback riding.
  70. I believe in Angels
  71. I believe in Evolution!
  72. I am not impressed by Prada shoes.
  73. I love taking pictures, which explains why there are so few pictures of me.  I'm usually behind the camera.
  74. I hate mean people.
  75. I think the world could use more compassion!
  76. Nothing bothers me more than whining!  I hate whining!
  77. I love wine!  In particular Riesling...who knew the Germans could make such good wine?
  78. I really appreciate it when people are direct and to the point!  I hate beating around the bush, just rip the band-aid off already and say what you have to say!
  79. I can read tarot cards and I have been known to be incredibly accurate.
  80. I made a fleece cape for my daughter to wear over her Halloween costume one year.  It was so well done, people kept asking me where I bought it, I was very proud.
  81. Halloween is my favorite holiday!  I love going out in public wearing a costume!
  82. I love frozen Snickers bars!
  83. I love apple picking in the fall!  Apples right off the tree taste better than any apple you could get at the market!
  84. I attempted swinging on a trapeze once, it did not go well.
  85. I love fishing.
  86. I think everyone who owns a dog should pick up after them...it really bugs me that not everyone does!
  87. My first word as a child was "puta."
  88. Mothers in Colombia use baby strollers because of me.
  89. I almost killed myself at the Grand Canyon....I was trying to get the perfect picture when the branch I was holding onto snapped.
  90. I want to learn German.
  91. Although I love to dance, I have never learned to Salsa.  I'm so ashamed.
  92. For many years, making rice was an absolute mystery.  I couldn't do it, and it brough shame to me as a Latina.
  93. I hate Crocs and I will not wear them.  I would sooner cut off my own feet before I put those on!
  94. I hate cleaning the kitchen more than anything else in the world!
  95. I am convinced that Mr. Right is living with Prince Charming in a condo in PTown.
  96. Although I am only 5 feet tall, it has come to my attention that several tall people are intimidated by me...I don't know why.
  97. Every car I ever owned had a name Junior (a Mercury Topaz), Genaro (a sporty Honda Civic coupe), Jeepie (A Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo) and currently I am driving Marvin.  Marvin is named after Marvelous Marvin Haggler (the boxer) because it was the first time I haggled tooth and nail with a car salesperson and won.
  98. I have the foulest mouth in the world, why I haven't been dragged kicking and screaming to HR yet I'll never know.
  99. I cut my hair when I am angry. Not myself...I have someone cut it for me, but it gets cut as a result of being angry.  But a co-worker did say that anger suits me after my last hair cut.
  100. I like pretty dresses!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Honestly Girl....You Couldn't Find Any Drawers?


Ok...I was picking my daughter up from day camp yesterday.  Its the end of a long day and I'm ready to go get a pizza.  I'm not in the mood to cook.

I looked up scanned the scene before I started my car and looked back down towards my ignition.  Wait...did I just see someone's butt?

No, I'm sure I was imagining things.  And as I looked up, yes, it was confirmed.  There was a butt, staring me in the face.  And then it was gone...and then it was back again.

Another mom was walking her son into the YMCA.  She was wearing a flouncy short skirt.  Very short, and very flouncy.  Whenever the wind blew, up went the skirt and out came the butt.

A butt sans underwear.

Maybe she was wearing a thong, but honestly, that really doesn't count as underwear.  That's really more of a recreational device or butt accessory, but not really underwear since your ass is hanging out in the open.

Well, I chalked it up to a poor undergarment choice and figured she would be embarrassed if I pointed out that I could see her rear end.  So I drove off to pick up a pizza.

I drop off my daughter at day camp this morning.  As I'm getting into my car to go to work I'm greeted by a familiar friend...this woman and her ass.  Again.  And it dawns on me...she just doesn't care.

Sometimes people amaze me.


Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Ok, my turn.... My Name Is:

Hi, my name is: Sonia

But you can call me: Sonia, Soni, Sohn

Never in my life have I: been arrested

The one person who can drive me nuts is: MY MOTHER!

My high school is: St. Gregory High School, closed by the Boston Archdiocese.... apparently Catholic girls don't need to be educated.
When I'm nervous: I pee....a lot.

The last song I listened to was: 7  Things by Miley Cyrus...I was watching Disney Channel with my daughter.

If I were to get married right now it would be to: Let's just say George Clooney and call it a day.

My hair:  is straight, but my whole life I wished it was curly.

When I was 4:  I was painfully shy!

Last Christmas: was very quiet and I watched a very over the top, overly dramatic, over acted, technicolor Christmas movie on Univision with my mom.  Thank God I found booze!  It was a Christmas miracle.

I should be: getting more sleep.

When I look down I see: my boobs.  Since I've lost weight, they've gotten smaller, which is wierd because I have always been busty.  Now they are considerably smaller and its wierding me out.

The happiest recent event was: being told by a handsome man that I  am cute.

If I were a character on 'Friends' :  I would be  Chandler Bing!

By this time next year: I'll be further along in  my life!

My current gripe is: my daughter's new best friend, I hate nosey kids that  talk to damned much!

I have a hard time understanding: The Republican party and why they do the things they do!

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: Everyone on Multiply and on Facebook!

I want to buy: a 150cc scooter!

Where do you plan to visit:  Miami to visit my family!

If you spent the night at my house: you would be appauled by the mess!

The world could do without:  Biggots.

Most recent thing I've bought myself: scented candles

Most recent thing someone else bought me: Dinner at the Little Honey
Q  Hot  Pot

My middle name is: Margarita.....my god why?

In the morning I:  hit the snooze button about two times

Last night I was: chatting with friends online

There's this girl I know who: I dunno....

If I was an animal I'd be: a dolphin

A better name for me would be: I'm stuck with the name I have

Tomorrow I am: visiting my aunt in the a nursing home

Tonight I am: going to keep my patience around my child

My birthday is: 06/30/1972

You got this from: Taina, Slikee and Kobie