Just Say No....to the Speak Easy!

When I think about The Speak Easy where I gained my super hero status, I often wonder if I should have just kept my big mouth shut.  Maybe if I had kept my yap closed, things would have turned out differently.  Or maybe I would have gotten laid off just the same.

Is it better to get laid off and leave quietly or is it better to go with some notoriety attached to your name?  I guess going with the former, rather than the latter, leads to a less interesting blog.

Since morale in the prestigious building was at an all time low, The Suits decided that it would be a good idea to set up special meetings called Speakeasies.  A place where the common worker bee could ask a question of management and get an answer without power point presentations or agendas.

People had questions about the budget, new vice presidents that they would have to answer to, the new direction we were going in... I figured my question was pretty small potatoes, not much of a big deal.  All I wanted to know was where the aspirin went!

Since we had to cut back and save money, management decided to stop refilling the first aid kits.  Instead of headache, allergy and stomach meds, all we had left was band aids and burn gel.  In the employee news letter were were told that in order to save money the first aid kit would only be stocked with things we needed in an emergency.  So basically, if I decided to slit my wrists or if I suddenly burst into flames at work, we'd be all set with everything we needed.

But I started thinking.... ALWAYS A BAD IDEA!  With a little bit of nursing school under my belt and a smidge of first aid training I deduced that if their argument was supplying us with things we needed in the event of an emergency, we needed the aspirin.  If a person in the prestigious building had a heart attack, one of the things we'd need to do first is give this person some aspirin.

So off I go to the Speak Easy to make my case for some basic pharmaceuticals.  While waiting for the meeting to start, some female co-workers were chatting about the lack of tampons.  Tampons and sanitary napkins were supplied for free to the female employees since the 60s.  Now they were nowhere to be found!  The tampon machines were not being refilled.  We were not even being given the option to pay for them with a stinkin' quarter!  And we were given NO notice.  No memo, no email, no article in the employee newsletter.  Nothing to let us plan ahead.  We were literally caught with our pants down!  Literally!!  Pants down!!

So the President and CEO of our very important workplace started the meeting. I decided to go first since I felt no one wanted to talk about aspirin.  So I made my plea and I was great!  I talked about what a heart attack is...how a thrombus forms... how aspirin keeps the thrombus from getting any bigger and causing tissue death...and how it can very well save someone's life...and how we need it in the event of an emergency, since that was their argument to begin with.  The President was very impressed, even gave me a little applause and said how happy he was that I brought this to his attention.  He said he was definitely bring this up again with his people to re-evaluate their decision because they clearly hadn't thought of that when they decided to nix the aspirin.

Maybe I was drunk on the adulation from top Suit so I opened my big yap and said, "And while you're at it, if you could fill up the tampon machine, that would be awesome!  For a lot of us here, that's an emergency too!"

I got a big laugh from the audience...I got a big laugh from the President himself...apparently the only person not laughing was the head of Human Resources who was sitting in the back of the room writing down my name and department!

This is how my story begins...

A Question of Faith...

It's Good Friday.

I have been wrestling with a spiritual question for some time now.  I haven't shared this with anyone because even wondering this, silently to myself, was disturbing...even to me.

Am I an athiest?

When I was a child, I believed very deeply in God.  I believed in God so profoundly that when I prayed, I believed someone was actually listening.  But as I grew up, cracks started to form in the foundation of my faith.

First, being sent to Catholic school didn't help much.  Nothing helps strengthen your faith in God like asking your religion teacher a deep spiritual question about God and being told, "Do you know what your problem is?  You think to much!  Maybe you should just stop asking questions and do what you're told!"

I know that as far as lives go... I've been pretty lucky.  I've always had a roof over my head.  I may not have always had what I wanted, but for the most part, I've always had what I needed.  My life has been a lot easier than a lot of people on this blue marble we live on.  Lucky....my mother says blessed.

But on occasion, life has thrown me a curve ball.  My dad was sick for a while.  My marriage was far from successful.  My pregnancy was troubled from the very start.  Maybe some of my dreams didn't come true.  People I loved disappointed me and broke my heart.  And sometimes it felt like these little things piled up into one big overwhelming thing I had to shoulder alone.  And I started to ask myself...

When I pray, is anyone even listening?

So I stopped praying.  I stopped blessing myself with the cross.  I stopped going to church.  I walked away. 

From time to time friends I've made along the way would tell me how they were saved.  They would share their beliefs with me and how they would go to church faithfully every Sunday with their families.  And it would bother me so much. Maybe I was jealous because they had so much faith and I had so little.  They were filled with their faith.  I on the other hand would feel utterly empty.  Sometimes I felt like I was going a little nutty because I was talking to myself a lot.  Maybe it was my replacement for prayer.

I know I talk a lot of trash about my mom sometimes, make little jokes at her expense, but she said something today that made me think and re-evaluate.

I said to my mom, "I'm sorry I'm not like you.  I guess I'm more like my dad, he didn't have any faith either!"

My mom looked me in the eye and very calmly said, "Your father believed very deeply in God...it was the priests that he hated!"

Huh?!?

Turns out that my dad avoided church because he didn't like priests, not because he didn't believe in God.  He felt that a priest was a guy just like himself...just a man.  He hated how many people tripped all over priests like they were special.  He saw them for the flawed human beings they were...just guys...and this is what they do.  Some people grow up to be dentists or mechanics...some guys grow up to be priests.

I was stunned.  That's why my dad hated going to church?!  I thought it was because his time could be better spent watching TV and drinking beer.  I didn't know he had an actual reason.  And what was more shocking... a reason that I agree with!!

Just like my dad, I've always had a problem with church.  I don't like going.  I never got anything out of it and I didn't feel it brought me closer to God.  And on top of that, I didn't like the idea of what I was being told...God is in heaven keeping a running tab of every little thing you have ever done wrong and on top of that, he takes attendance on Sunday.  Awesome.  And I hated how a lot of these religious folk who talked non stop about their church and their faith were, more often than not, faking it!  Who among us doesn't know someone who constantly goes on and on about how good and holy they are and when they think no one is looking, they are the sneakiest, most dishonest people around?

I('ve made mistakes and sometimes my moral compass does not entirely point due north.  But for the most part, I try to live my life as a good person.  I help out when I can.  I treat other the way I want to be treated.  I'm trying...  So because I don't go to church every Sunday or ram my religious beliefs down people's throats, does that mean I'm not welcomed in heaven...if there actually is a heaven?  Is it even the way its been described to us since child hood or is heaven something else entirely different? Who knows...

But I do know this!  I am taking a page out of my dad's book.  If you go to church and it fills you with absolute joy, then good for you, I am happy for you, I really am.  But its not for me.  I have a better chance of squeezing into a size 2 than falling head over heels in love with organized religion.

Now, here's a funny little tidbit.  All this time that I turned my  back on God, I started talking to myself a lot.  Thinking out loud, reflecting on stuff.  The funny thing was...it felt like someone was listening.  Just because I wasn't praying the way I was taught, or expected to, doesn't mean I wasn't talking to God.  I was just doing it differently.  

So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to park it on the couch and have a private chat with God.

Prologue.....

In the city of Boston there is a prestigious building. Within this building, drones work tirelessly to produce content meant to educate the general public. Content, shows, programs that are meant to open the eyes and feed the minds of whoever sees it...reads it...listens to it. And tirelessly the drones worked on in hopes of reaching the masses and satisfying its thirst for knowledge!

Once upon a time, the drones worked with pride...tirelessly...always tirelessly.

But as the landscape of the nation change... so did the focus of the public.

The public for whom the drones worked to satisfy no longer yearned for ABCs...or Physics...or History... or the tales of the peoples of far away lands.... in the modern age, the public yearned for something else entirely different. Who was voted off the island? Who did the bachelor pick to be his bride? Who sang until their throats were raw in hopes the public would vote for them to sing again another day?

And still the drones worked tirelessly....

And as the landscape continued to change....so did life in the prestigious building. New faces, strangers to the land of public broadcasting, took the lead in the executive offices. Before long, the drones heard dreaded words that shook them to their individual cores... furlough... lay-off... downsizing... restructuring... change.

And from these seeds of discontent, Tampon Girl arose!