SPYING CAN BE A GOOD THING!!!

I was recently told a disturbing story.  And I will share this story with all of you in hopes that we will all remember that as parents we are in charge.  Our children are not small adults.  They are children, and as such, if they live in our houses, they must live by our rules.  If at some time we "invade their privacy" that's too damned bad!  At some point, as parents or aunts and uncles, we might need to invade their privacy because we love them.

I have a very good friend.  We have been friends for many, many years.  She told me something that hurt her very deeply.  (BTW, she gave me permission to blog about it as a cautionary tale for those of us who have teenager or will one day have teenagers.)

My friend was home one day when her sister and her niece came over for a friendly visit.  During the visit, her niece asked if she could sign onto her computer and check her email.  No big deal.

A few hours later after her sister and niece left, my good friend decided to check her own email.  She opened her browser and logged on to hotmail.  Her niece forgot to log off from her hotmail account...there it was...open.

Just so are all clear.  Her niece has gone through some disciplinary issues.  She has refused to go to school.  She has been incredibly disrespectful to her parents.  Some of the things she has said to parents would have gotten her knocked out in my house. 

Well, the concerned aunt wondered if maybe there would be a clue in her e-mial.  Maybe a friend is influencing her.  Maybe she's involved with the wrong crowd.  Maybe drugs.  Well, she decided for the sake of her niece, who is also her god-child, she would look through her e-mail.

All she found were the average, everyday emails that would be received by a 14 year old girl, full of he-said, she-saids and quips about who she might have a crush on.  So far so good.  But then she notices a folder her niece had created.  The folder was labeled "Forwards."
Hmmm...forwards.

She clicked on the folder and nearly passed out.  The folder was filled with naked pictures of her niece.  Her niece had taken naked pictures of herself, they were in her email account, had she sent them to anyone? We don't know yet.  From what I understand, you could clearly see her face, there was no doubt it was her. 

My friend called me and told me what she found.  Now, she, like myself is a tough city girl.  Tough as nails, but I never heard her voice like this before.  She wondered if she should confront her niece...HELL NO!!  Talk to her mom, talk to her dad...talk to whoever is in charge here! 

Well, she told her sister what she had found.  We are waiting for the dust to settle.

Just a few years ago, I joined my friend and her sister and their families on Halloween.  This girl was among the children trick or treating.  She was only 11...now she's 14, but looks 18... and she is taking naked pictures of herself...sending them to God knows who.  If she sent those pictures out, they could be anywhere, they could show up at any time.  How could she be sooo stupid!

I'm sure this 14 year old in a woman's body is furious because her aunt invaded her privacy and found these pictures.  But it was for her own good.  If a 14 year old thinks its ok to take naked pictures of herself and send them out, then she's obviously on the wrong track.  And maybe she needs a nosey aunt to nip this impending disaster in the bud.

I'd also like to remind everyone that Dylan Klebold had a lot of incriminating violent things in his room.  Things that would have raised many red flags for a vigilant/nosey parent.  Instead, his mom did not look more closely at these things because they were in her son's room and she didn't want to "invade his privacy."  Maybe if she had, he wouldn't have taken part in the worst act of violence to affect a school in America's history.

Just then, my own daughter, walked in, full of 6 year old innocence, "Mommy, can I go on the computer and go on club penguin?"

I just wanted to say "NO!!  No you may not go on club penguin and interact with other virtual penguins.  I don't know who these penguins are?!  I don't know what kind of families these penguins come from! In fact, no you can not log onto club penguin until I get CORI/background checks on all these penguins!"

Instead I took a deep breath and said "Yes."  I said a silent prayer and hoped that these penguins were really other 6 year olds...and not some predator holding a naked picture of my friend's niece.