Dear Red States......

I WISH I HAD WRITTEN THIS!!!!  BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE IT WITH ALL OF YOU!

PEACE OUT AND REMEMBER TO ROCK DA' VOTE!

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Dear Red States:
 
 If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving. We
 intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States
 with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California , Hawaii,
 Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the
 Northeast.
 
 We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
 to the people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly:
 You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell
 research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get
 Dollywood.
 
 We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get
 Ole' Miss.
 
 We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get
 Alabama.
 
 We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay
 their fair share.
 
 Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian
 Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
 moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
 anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
 once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids
 they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and
 they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets
 coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMD's
 turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's
 Quagmire.
 
 With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the
 country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92%
 of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all
 cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans
 (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,
 sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus
 Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
 
 With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88%
 of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of
 all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the
 hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all
 televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the
 University of Georgia.
 
 We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38% of those in
 the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62%
 believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death
 penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53%
 believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards
 believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
 
 Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
 they grow in Mexico.
 
 Peace out,  Blue States